How to Talk to Someone Who Comments on Their Body A Lot
I’m going to separate this topic into two segments:
For those constantly making comments about their body.
For those trying to talk to (or just ignore) others who are constantly commenting on their bodies.
This is a DEEP dive, so let’s get started:
This is for you if you are constantly making comments about your body:
If you say things like this:
“Ugh, I feel so fat.”
“Ew, I look terrible in that photo. Don’t post that.”
“I ate so much I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I can’t believe I just ate all that, I usually don’t eat like this.”
“Oh my god, look at my arm in that photo, it looks so big ew.”
Read the below.
1) People can hear you. The negative things about yourself hurt those around you too.
When you pick out things about yourself that you don’t like, the people around you assume you think the same of them if they have/don’t have that thing. Argue that point as much as you want, that’s how it comes across. I know those aren’t your intentions, but I work with those people I’m referring to every day, and let me tell you, it hurts them. It makes an impact. If you have children, especially, please be mindful of how you treat yourself in front of them.
2) People don’t notice before you say something.
No one is judging you as much as you think they are. Everyone is in their own little bubble, dealing with their own stuff. Unless you’re openly fishing for a compliment, please consider working with someone on addressing where your insecurities are coming from - I say that with so much love.
3) Most importantly, YOU are listening to YOU.
The things you say to yourself matter. They’re not just silly little comments. They’re not “a joke.” Imagine how much it would hurt to hear the things you’re telling yourself come from someone you loved. You’re doing that to yourself every day, and it’s impacting your self-esteem, your self-worth, your confidence and how you show up for yourself and the ones you love.
If you want to work on your relationship with yourself and stop being the Negative Nancy that is always bringing yourself (and those around you) down (this will literally change your life), here are a few things I highly recommend doing:
Go to therapy and address your insecurities
Work on your body image (full prompt here)
Practice loving kindness meditations, like this one > click here
Whenever you say something negative about yourself, say three positive things about yourself
Write a letter (full activity here)
Write down all the things that you love that make you, you (and none of them can be aesthetic)
Consider thinking about your body in a different way (full journal prompt here)
Dive deeper into where your insecurities might be coming from (full activity here) (also here)
Unfollow social media accounts that you constantly compare yourself to (no, they’re not “inspiring”)
Consider the term “body neutral” vs “body positive” and “self-respect” vs “self-love.” You don’t need to love your body all the time, but it is still deserving of respect and care because it does a lot for you.
They may sound cheesy, but from someone that’s worked through it, and gotten others through it too, they work.
To those trying to talk to (or just ignore) others who are constantly commenting on their bodies:
1) Remember, this isn’t about you, it’s about them.
Nothing this person says about themselves is about you. They don’t look at you the way they look at themselves. They don’t think the same about you as they do themselves. This is an internal war they have with themselves about unresolved traumas. They love you for you, unfortunately, they just don’t love themselves the same.
2) Don't bring yourself down to build them up.
This isn’t a scene from mean girls. Don’t give misery company. This is a really good moment to shift the conversation and perhaps help your friend see you put self-love/self-respect into practice. Something like, “I’m really sorry you feel that way, it makes me sad to hear you talk about yourself like that. What I like to do when I feel similarly is focus on something I love, like how I _________.” AND/OR you can try something like, “I’m really sorry you feel that way, it makes me sad to hear you talk about yourself like that because that’s not at all what I see. What I see is someone that ____ (list the qualities and traits that you love about that person).”
3) If it helps (and you feel equipped to do so), address their concerns by talking about diet culture and media.
Sometimes, diving deeper into where their insecurities are coming from is helpful, but only do this if you feel ready and equipped to. It can be really casual like, “Ugh, I hate that seeing all these air-brushed, curated, photoshopped photos on Instagram all the time makes us feel this way. I just always try and remind myself that none of it is real and that we’re all unique and beautiful in our own way.” Remember, you also don’t have to do anything. If you don’t have the emotional bandwidth, or if it makes you uncomfortable, feel free to just ignore the comments. This is not your responsibility.
4) On a day-to-day, don’t over-compliment their looks and focus more on WHO they are and WHAT they do.
Be aware of how much you compliment other’s looks versus accomplishments, personality traits, etc. Here are some examples of complements you can give. It’s a good practice for yourself as well. Recognize how often you put appearance first, and work on focusing on all the other amazing things that make you, you.
You can also check out the resources above and use those to help others.
p.s. If someone makes a comment directly to you about your food, try this: click here
I hope that was helpful! If you have any questions, or things that have worked for you, please share below!
Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash
If you’re looking for a safe space where you'll receive support and guidance in achieving your health goals, you're right where you need to be :) Submit a client application to receive your free 15 min consultation with me. I work with clients all over the world-changing their relationship with their health and wellness so that they can reestablish trust in their bodies and feel empowered and confident that they’re always making the best decision for themselves.
Hi, I’m Azul Corajoria, an Integrative Health Coach, Personal Trainer & Yoga Instructor. I support my clients in making step-by-step changes so that they can live a healthy and balanced life. By utilizing lifestyle and behavior adjustments with an emphasis on self-care, I guide and support my client’s in achieving their health goals and bridging the gap between where they are now and where they want to be.
