FAT is NOT a feeling.
“I feel so fat.”
Ok, so let’s get one thing straight here.
Fat IS NOT a feeling.
Fat IS a NATURAL part of our bodies.
We have to stop associating being “fat” as a bad thing. Our body shape should not dictate our emotions. There are people in larger bodies that are happy and healthy and there are people in smaller bodies who are miserable and unhealthy. FUCK what diet culture and “social norms” have lead you to believe (a great video on that here). The standards are always evolving and changing. As I write this girls on TikTok are using makeup to create dark under eye circles, that’s a thing people WANT now. Crazy.
If I can’t say, “I feel fat,” then what can I say?
Let’s start with how you ACTUALLY feel.
We have to get better at identifying unpleasant emotions that are coming up for us. For most, saying “I feel fat” means “I feel unlovable, unworthy, lazy, undisciplined, ugly, alone, etc.” NONE of these things are synonymous with fat. Oh, and “I feel skinny” meaning, “I feel beautiful, worthy, and loveable,” is also bogus. NONE of them are synonymous with being skinny. Fat and skinny are not feelings - they’re fat-phobic words. Feeling lovable and worthy are choices, and they come from things like being a good person - not a number on a scale or a jean size. Saying “I feel fat” and “I feel skinny” isn’t going to help you identify what is upsetting you and what is making you happy. It’s just not helpful, and it’s wrong.
I think I get it. So, how do I do that then? I’m not sure how I feel.
The next time you’re inclined to say something along the lines of “I feel fat”, replace the word “fat” with an ACTUAL feeling such as anxious, angry, lazy, lonely, etc. When you identify what you’re actually feeling you can then start asking yourself what you NEED (and the answer is NOT lose weight or take back control). Do you need extra self-love? Do you need a hug? Do you need to talk to a loved one? Do you need a good cry? Do you need to feel validated? Do you need to feel seen/heard?
Here’s a Feeling Circle to help you out if you’re having trouble identifying your emotions:
I did a little mini week challenge on my Instagram and the majority of the feedback I got afterwards was that most people did not know how to rephrase the sentence when it came up - which is totally understandable because that is the hardest part. I introduced this wheel because sometimes emotions like angry and sad aren’t enough (and sadly those are the only feelings words a lot of us know) - and when we don’t know how to communicate how we’re feeling, we can’t give ourselves what we need/want in the moment (as I mentioned above).
Being able to take a step back from, “I feel fat,” and understand: (1) fat is not a feeling and (2) I actually feel inferior and out of control - can then lead to questions like… What about the circumstance I’m in makes me feel inferior? Does x really make me inferior? So, what’s really going on? Etc. Dig deep. My “5 Why” Worksheet on this blog helps a great deal with this as well.
Along with learning how to “feel your feelings” here are a few more tips for you that might feel less daunting:
Do A 24-Hour Check. Grab a notebook (or your notes app) and make note of every time you feel like saying something negative about yourself. Try to connect that with what was happening in your life at that moment. Maybe you stepped on the scale, you saw something on social media, or perhaps you felt anxious or stressed at work, fight with a significant other? Knowing yourself and your triggers is the critical first step in changing your self-dialogue.
Positive Replaces Negative. Before you go down the black hole of negative self-talk, take a deep breath and stop yourself. Think of two things you love about yourself and say them instead. Sounds cheesy, but IT WORKS.
Guide Your Friends. When a friend starts with the negative self-talk, gently and lovingly divert her by replacing "I hate this part of my body,” with one of my compliments on my “Compliments We’d Rather Hear” blog post like “You have a great energy about you. I always feel uplifted when you’re around.”
I hope you found this helpful! Now, go feel your feelings you beautiful and complex human being :)
If you’re looking for a safe space where you can learn how to let go of dieting for good, enjoy food without guilt, and turn exercise into something you love to do rather than something you “have” to do, submit a client application to get in contact with me! I work with clients virtually all over the world helping those who are frustrated with dieting and want to change their relationship with food and themselves.
Hi, I’m Azul Corajoria, an Integrative Health Coach, Personal Trainer & Yoga Instructor. I support my clients in making step-by-step changes so that they can live a healthy and balanced life. By recognizing the interdependent roles of mindset, nutrition, and movement I educate and hold my clients accountable for achieving their health goals through lifestyle and behavior adjustments with an emphasis on self-care. Together, we navigate the contradictory world of nutrition through intuitive eating, practice mindful movement, and implement small mindset and lifestyle shifts that empower them to be their best selves in the easiest way possible.
