How to Stop Overeating and Make Peace with Food
Let’s chat about the 3rd Principle of Intuitive Eating - Making Peace with Food.
This is the principle that baffles most people.
“Unconditional permission to eat whatever I want? There’s no way. I’ll never stop!”
Look, I get it, I’ve been there, a lot of people have been there, you’re not alone in thinking this.
We often look to dieting and restricting when we feel out of control because it makes us feel “in control.”
Here’s the thing though, it’s actually making it worse.
When you restrict the food you’re allowed to eat, it sets you up to crave larger quantities of that food.
Deprivation sets off a biological drive. This is especially so if you have experienced deprivation outside of food, such as love, attention, material things, and so on, because food represents so much more than just a physical need, thus you’ll feel the deprivation much more intensely. It’s also true that the longer foods are prohibited, the more seductive they become.
We’re not just talking about physical restriction either. The mere perception that food might become banned can trigger overeating. Just the thought of going on a diet can trigger a sense of panic and lead to something that’s called “Last Supper Eating.” This might sound in your head like, “Hurry eat all the food that you can because you won’t get a chance to eat it ever again!” Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve experienced it when going to your favorite restaurant and ordering pasta because you never let yourself have it at home or when you go to a friend’s house that has all the snacks you don’t let yourself stock up in your home.
There are other forms of subtle deprivation as well:
Food Competition
Returning Home Syndrome
The Empty Cupboard
Captivity Behavior
Depression-Era Eating
Once in a Lifetime
One Last Shot
Anticipation of Food Restriction
You can read more about these in the book, Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.
Dieting and Self-Prophecy
When you diet and you suddenly “break a rule,” like the moment you eat “bad” food or you go over a calorie limit, overeating ensues. We also know this as the, “fuck it,” moment. We use this moment as a way to validate the belief that we’re out of control and need to get back into control (via restricting), but we fail to see that restricting is what causes us to binge, to begin with (even pseudo-restricting leads to this). We’ve learned (and validated) that we can’t be trusted, and off to another diet we go.
The key to helping you make peace with food isn’t another diet, it’s the opposite: unconditional permission to eat.
This means:
There are no “good” or “bad” foods.
You eat what you truly want.
You eat without obligatory penance
“I can have this today, but not tomorrow.”
“I can only have 5.”
“I shouldn’t be eating this.”
“I won’t stop eating.”
Everyone that’s gone through this has said this to themselves before, you are not alone in thinking that. I myself thought I’d never stop eating frozen thin mint Girl Scout cookies (for example).
After a while, once you truly know you can eat whatever you want, the intensity to eat greatly diminishes. In some cases, people eventually realize that they don’t even like the food they once craved. It’s similar to liking someone until they like you back (lol). Sometimes we want things, just because we can’t have them.
Legalizing food is the most crucial step to changing your relationship with food.
When you know that food will always be there and allowed, it’s not as important anymore. Food loses its power through a process called habituation: The more a person is exposed to a particular food, the less appealing it becomes.
“I’ve tried it before and it didn’t work.”
If you’ve tried allowing yourself to eat forbidden foods and still felt out of control, I had two questions for you:
How long did you allow yourself to work through this phase?
In your head, were you truly allowing yourself to eat the food with no obligatory penance?
People get scared when they start this process, because of how much they eat when “allowed.” They feel out of control, but let me as you this… If you went underwater, deprived of air for some time, and you came back to the surface, would you take a small breath, or would you come up gasping for air, inhaling as much as you could? If you were in a desert, deprived of water, would the next sip you take be small, or would you chug? Think of this process like that. The first (if not a couple of) times, you might feel like it’s a lot, but as time goes by, your body will regulate and slow down.
Secondly, it’s important to recognize the difference between physically allowing yourself to eat and mentally allowing yourself to eat. You may physically be eating something, but mentally be thinking, “Ok, no more after this.” “I really shouldn’t be eating this.” That’s what we call, pseudo-permission, and, to your mind, it’s the same as a physical restriction. You have to let it all go if you want to do this right.
So, what can you do? Intuitive Eating suggests the following:
Pay attention to the foods that are appealing to you.
Give yourself permission to eat one forbidden food from your list.
Check-in with yourself to see if it tastes as good as you imagined. If you really like it, continue eating.
Make sure you keep enough of that food in your kitchen so you can have it when you want it.
Once that forbidden food has lost some of its appeal, you can introduce another.
Most importantly, give yourself time and be patient.
This has been a short summary of the 3rd Principle of Intuitive Eating: Make Peace with Food. If you’re interested in diving deep and reading more, I highly recommend you read “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch. You can buy it in any bookstore or rent it at your local public library!
Questions? Thoughts? I’d love to hear from you!
If you’re looking for a safe space where you'll receive support and guidance in achieving your health goals, you're right where you need to be :) Submit a client application to receive your free 15 min consultation with me. I work with clients all over the world helping those who are frustrated and confused become empowered and confident - changing their relationship with food, fitness and most importantly, themselves.
Hi, I’m Azul Corajoria, an Integrative Health Coach, Personal Trainer & Yoga Instructor. I support my clients in making step-by-step changes so that they can live a healthy and balanced life. By recognizing the interdependent roles of mindset, nutrition, and movement I educate and hold my clients accountable for achieving their health goals through lifestyle and behavior adjustments with an emphasis on self-care. Together, we navigate the contradictory world of nutrition through intuitive eating, practice mindful movement, and implement small mindset and lifestyle shifts that empower them to be their best selves in the easiest way possible.
