You Will Always Validate What You Believe - How to Use That to Become Who You Want
Take a quick second to do this activity with me…
Look around the room you're in right now, and look for all the things that are red. Take a few seconds to try really hard to remember them all. Ok, now without looking around the room again when I tell you this second part, close your eyes and tell me… all the things you saw that were blue.
Hard, huh? That's because you'll always find what you are looking for.
You validate what you believe.
If you believe you're a piece of sh**, you'll find things that point to you being a piece of sh**.
If you believe you're a good person, you'll find things that point to you being a good person.
It's the same concept as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy - The psychological phenomenon of someone "predicting" or expecting something, and this "prediction" or expectation coming true simply because the person believes or anticipates it will and the person's resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief.
It's also very similar to that concept, “You're not a bad person, you just did a bad thing.”
For example, let's take someone who over-eats a lot:
Instead of being someone who “over-eats” they IDENTIFY as an “over-eater.” This is important, because how you identify is how you move through life. The next time they over-eat, instead of being able to create space and see it as one experience, they make it about the person they ARE. They quickly throw up their arms and go, “See, this happens every time. I'm an over-eater, always have been always will be." This creates very little space to see situations independently and be able to work on what happened to create a solution. They believe it's innately who they are, like a personality trait, it feels hopeless because to change, would be to change who they are, and that sounds very daunting and difficult. By labeling themselves as an over-eater, they'll unwillingly, always validate what they believe.
Another example, let's take someone who works out a lot:
On the opposite spectrum, let's take someone who works out a lot. Most people that have consistently worked out their entire lives identify as someone who works out. You'll here them call themselves a “gym-rat,” an “athletic or active person," a “runner," etc. They identify as someone who enjoys working out, therefore they do things that someone who works out would do.
So, what do I do if I want to get better at something I'm bad at?
Now, I know you might be thinking something like, “Ok, I'd like to get good at public speaking, but I really am a bad public speaker Azul.” Here's what to do…
Lose the negative identification. You are not a bad public speaker, you just haven't developed the skills or confidence to give a good public speech yet. Something you're doing right now, isn't working, and that's okay, but what can you do differently?
Ask yourself, “What would a ___ do?” What would someone that's good at public speaking do? What are the behaviors/practices? They might have taken a class. They might have a coach. Maybe they practice in front of a mirror.
Get yourself out of a “Fixed Mindset” and into a “Growth Mindset.” I wrote a mini-article on how to do this before > Click Here
Whenever something doesn't go right, take it as a lesson, not a personal jab. We can't get things right all the time, we're not ever going to be perfect. Even a “good public speaker” gives a bad speech sometimes. If you learn to take every “failure” as “feedback” and make enough room to take a step back from the situation to see it as what it is, one experience, not “who you are," then you'll be able to make the appropriate changes to do it better next time.
Personal Antidote:
When I worked in corporate America, I was convinced I could never be an entrepreneur. I was comfortable in my 9-5 job. I didn't have to make any hard decisions. I liked getting a paycheck from someone. I liked having someone tell me what to do. I was not an “entrepreneur." I was convinced that I could never hold myself accountable for things. I had even taken a quiz online that “verified” that my personality was the type that got my “motivation” from other people telling me what to do, not myself, ouch. I was not self-motivated. There was no way I'd ever make it on my own… Well, here I am. I'm a f**king entrepreneur. I make my own hours. I'm responsible for literally everything in my business. I have to do things on my own, or they won't get done. I am self-motivated and I am crushing it (I'm my own hype girl). When I'm getting down on myself, I write in my journal what I think a Bada** Female Entrepreneur would do. I ask myself what their day would look like. What they would and wouldn't invest their time into doing… Then, I turn into that person. Because guess the f**ck what? I am that person, and you can be too. You can be anyone you f**cking what to be. I also told myself I wasn't a writer… I mean, LOL, hi, these articles are awesome, are they not?
Remember, you have to be her, to become her.
No, you're not a smoker. You smoke sometimes because ____.
No, you're not an over-eater. You over-eat sometimes because ____.
No, you're not a bad friend. You just haven't been showing up lately for your friends because ____.
No, you're not lazy. You just haven't been prioritizing working out recently because ____.
What is that because? What can you do differently to identify as the person you want to be?
If you’re looking for a safe space where you'll receive support and guidance in achieving your health goals, you're right where you need to be :) Submit a client application to receive your free 15 min consultation with me. I work with clients all over the world helping those who are frustrated and confused become empowered and confident - changing their relationship with food, fitness and most importantly, themselves.
Hi, I’m Azul Corajoria, an Integrative Health Coach, Personal Trainer & Yoga Instructor. I support my clients in making step-by-step changes so that they can live a healthy and balanced life. By recognizing the interdependent roles of mindset, nutrition, and movement I educate and hold my clients accountable for achieving their health goals through lifestyle and behavior adjustments with an emphasis on self-care. Together, we navigate the contradictory world of nutrition through intuitive eating, practice mindful movement, and implement small mindset and lifestyle shifts that empower them to be their best selves in the easiest way possible.
Photo by Rishabh Dharmani on Unsplash
