Things I’d Tell My 20 Year Old Self
Hey Azul,
It’s been a crazy 10 years. We’ve been through a lot.
Some high highs, and some low lows, but the beauty of life is that we get to experience it all, and we’re so lucky for that.
Without spoiling too much, because I don’t want you to miss experiencing these next 10 years for yourself, here are some things I want you to remember.
Here are 30 things I’ve (we’ve) learned in my (our) 20s…
Your weight is the LEAST interesting thing about you. You know what’s more interesting? Your mind. Your thoughts. Your heart. Your actions. The way you treat others. The way you make others feel. Your opinion on things. Your ability to be open-minded. Your humor. Your empathy. Etc…
The scale doesn’t determine your happiness. When you step on that scale, you give it the power to give you instant gratification or absolutely ruin your day and the doubt yourself. Don’t give it that power. There is absolutely no need to weigh yourself that often, if at all actually.
When you focus on how you look, you focus less on others and too much on yourself. When you’re so obsessed with how people view you, your focus is on yourself and not on the person in front of you. Care more about how you’re showing up and be authentically you, focus on the other.
Gratitude is your saving grace. Focusing on what you’re grateful for navigates you through times of great stress and anxiety. Always remember that you have abundance. Often times the worse case scenario, really isn’t that bad when you add up all the things you are grateful for in your life already.
Trying things that you suck at and haven’t done before, it isn’t embarrassing, you don’t look stupid, it’s actually really cool and you’re a badass.
When you stop pretending to be perfect, you free yourself from your own expectations that are weighing you down and you allow yourself to grow and experience new things. No one is perfect. Life isn’t about perfection, it’s about progression.
Follow your intuition, always. Relationships will try and convince you you’re crazy. Diet companies will try and convince you can’t trust your body. You know you better than anyone else. People won’t see your vision, they’re not supposed to, it’s YOURS. Own it. Believe in it. You can trust yourself.
Life isn’t a race. Stop trying to do things so quickly.
It’s okay to want more out of life and be ambitious, but it’s also okay to be content. Being content is a luxury sometimes.
Don’t ever take “just because” as an answer. People need legitimate reasons if they’re asking something of you.
You create your environment and it’ll mold you into the person you’re becoming. Decide what makes you feel less than. Decide who makes you feel less than. Some things will drain you of energy. Some things will bring energy into your life. Sometimes you have to let go, in order to let in.
Even though someone “means well,” it doesn’t mean they’re “doing well” by you.
Always be more curious and less judgmental, of others, and of yourself.
Photos are meant to remind you of a memory, a moment in time you want to remember forever, not be an aesthetic competition, a change to pick apart things you don't like about yourself. Don’t throw away great memories because you decided you didn’t like the way you looked in that moment. Use photos for what they’re meant to be used for, keepsakes, memories, capturing a moment in time. 50 year old you wants to remember good memories, she won’t care about how you think your arm looks.
Body Neutrality vs Body Love. You don’t need to love your body every day, but you do need to respect it and everything is does for you. Let’s take your hand as a great example. You don’t give much thought to it. It does it’s job. Life would be more difficult without it. You want it to be safe and well, but you don’t put a lot of thought into it. You respect it… It’s less about body positivity and more body neutrality and respect. You won’t love your body every single day, but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that you treat it well and nurture it so that it can continue doing its job (which is not to “fit into the current societal norm,” but rather, to just take you through life).
Exercise and nutrition is a journey, not a destination. Find things that you enjoy and that you love so you can do them forever. Stop with the FAD diets and the impossible to sustain workout regimen. You’ll burn yourself out. Find enjoyable movement and eat things that feel, taste, and are good for you, and enjoy them.
There is no FAIL, just a First Attempt In Learning. Millions of the most successful people failed a lot before they got to where they are. Every failure is a learning lesson. You can’t get to where you want if you’re scared to fail.
Food is ENERGY (LITERALLY). Low calorie is NOT a desirable thing, assuming you want energy/good mood/immunity/healthy skin/focus/memory/fertility/etc. Your body lives off of calories. Give it the fuel it need. Don’t be afraid, your body will tell you when it’s hungry and full, trust it.
Reframing your negative thoughts/words/beliefs is the most powerful gift anyone could give you.
We are not made to fit clothes. Clothes are made to fit us. Stop buying things that don’t fit you because you want to one day be able to squeeze into it. Buy things that make you feel great NOW. There’s no point in living for the future if you’re not enjoying the now.
Binging starts with restricting. You feel uncontrollable around food and it’s because you tried to control it in the first place. You wouldn’t try to keep yourself from peeing if you need to pee. You wouldn’t not give yourself sweater if you were cold. Also, don’t try to stop binging by restricting more. It never works, trust me. It’s a vicious cycle. Be kind. Be patient. Eat enough.
We could all eat the same and workout the same and we’d still all look different. That’s the beauty of being so unique. Stop trying to be like other people. Be uniquely you. Be YOUR best self.
Workout and diet as a punishment and you’ll always have a toxic on and off relationship with exercise and nutrition. You want to enjoy these things? Here’s the secret: move and eat as an act of love, and you’ll have a beautiful long-term relationship. Find things that make you feel good.
You are not procrastinating because you’re lazy, you’re procrastinating either out of fear or overwhelm.
Being upset because you only see small progress instead of massive progress is like finding $20 bill on the ground and being upset because it wasn’t a $100 bill. Small progress is still fucking progress. Patience really is a virtue. Nothing happens overnight.
Your stomach is going to look different the rest of the day than it does in the morning, there’s literally nothing you can do to change that, it’s natural.
Body image is your inner picture of your outer self. That means it can change a lot day to day while your outer appearance stays almost exactly the same. We can’t change body image with outer change, it’s the INNER picture and what influences that inner picture, that we work on. That’s why you can look at yourself one day and love yourself and look at yourself the next day and not, your body didn’t change at all, but your thoughts did.
You don’t actually desire to be skinny… Think of the people you admire the most, they’re all different shapes and colors and sizes. So, what is it that you desire? You just want to be loved, valued, happy, carefree, feel accomplished, confident, accepted, worth it. Social media sometimes makes it seem like those are things that come when you’re a certain size, but the truth is, you can have all of these things without chasing a certain body size - it’s about attitude.
It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You don’t need to know everything. Don’t ever think you know it all. You don’t. Always be willing to learn. Stay open.
Be your own best friend. Your own soulmate. Your own “better half.” Treat yourself often. You know you better than anyone else. You can read your own thoughts. You know what you want. You know what makes you happy. Don’t leave your happiness up to others. Learn to trust yourself. Respect and love yourself. You are worth and deserving, right now, in this moment. Once you realize that you have everything that you will ever need you will stop looking and searching for happiness elsewhere, and find it within. That way, you’ll never be alone. That way, you’ll be able to show up for others fully and authentically your beautiful self.
Remember, you’re never, ever, alone.
With love,
You, in 10 years.
