The 3 C's That Are Stealing Your Joy

well-being

Jan 13

Most of us – I say “most” because DID YOU KNOW there are people that DON'T have an internal dialogue? Like wut… – have multiple voices in our head that sometimes whisper (or shout) not nice things to us:

"Everyone else seems to have their life together. I feel so behind."

"Why can’t I look like them? No matter what I do, I’ll never be that attractive."

“What’s the point of trying if I never seem to get this right?”

"I’m such a freaking failure. I always mess things up."

"Nothing ever works out for me."

"I wish I had more time, but life is just too busy."

Sound familiar?

Negative self-talk often manifests in 3 different ways “The 3 C's"

Comparing, Criticizing, and Complaining.

(You can see examples of each above)

1. Comparing: When you see someone's life and feel like your own isn’t as good.

I remember growing up I used to compare myself to the people I saw on TV or in magazines (RIP Victoria's Secret phone background). But it was fairly easy to snap out of it because I could tell myself they had the lives they had because they were “famous," and I wasn't. Now, with social media, we know WAY TOO MUCH about people's lives (like, we're not meant to know this much about people) – and FORGET that that's not their actual lives, but rather a curated version of it (the version they want us to see – the one they want to believe themselves). This is the comparison trap we're stuck in. When we measure our lives against curated snapshots of others, we almost always come up short, which leave us feeling inadequate and broken. We need to re-learn how to live in our own lane. Let go of the “shoulds” and just do the things that make us happy, on our time, on our own terms.

2. Criticizing: When you engage in self-judgment and put yourself down.

This is the FREAKING annoying part of us that nitpicks everyy flaw and magnifies every mistake we make. But here's the thing, this part often does this to protect us. We've come to believe that if we critique, shame, and focus on the negative, we'll seek to do better and change – but research shows it has the opposite effect. We get stuck. We freeze. We hyper-focus on the bad and self-sabotage. There's a big different between self-critiquing and self-improvement. Read more about that here.

3. Complaining: When you focus on the negatives without taking steps to improve it.

Otherwise known as being a victim to your own life. Focusing on the negatives without seeking solutions trap us in a cycle of fixating on issues without pursuing solutions. Round and round you go. We've all had a friend that we let complain about the same problem over and over again until one day we snap and go, “then stop, leave him, change jobs, talk to them, move cities, get a therapist." Ultimately, and I say this with love, “Whatever you're not changing, you're choosing.”

So, what can we do?