If You Want This Time to Be Different, You Have to Be Able to Answer This One Question
This might be the single most important thing you can do before you start any new workout program, work with a new coach, buy another course, set any new goal, or make any kind of big change.
…and it’s to ask yourself this question.
One simple question.
It might seem TOO simple to work, but it does.
And I’m going to give it to you straight away:
“What's different this time?”
No, I’m not attacking you.
I’m not pointing a finger at all the times you've tried before, and it didn't stick.
That’s probably how you hear it….
But that's NOT how I want you to hear it today.
Today, we're going to change how you use this question so you can make the change you want in your life.
Because the answer to that question, when you approach it with the right intention, is actually where all of your power lives.
So let's get into it.
I recently had someone reach out to me who was interested in coaching, and one of the things they said to me was, “I’m hesitant to try something new because nothing has worked in the past. What’s going to be different about this time?”
…and that immediately told me she wasn’t ready.
Not that she wasn’t ready to start coaching, but that she wasn’t ready to start something new.
Because she hadn’t yet taken the time to do this one thing.
Before we jump into a new program, a new routine, a new diet, or a new goal, most of us do one of two things.
01) We either jump in headfirst, riding a wave of motivation and excitement, without looking back at all.
02) We look back and immediately spiral into shame. We start listing all the reasons we failed. We convince ourselves we're lazy, or we don't have willpower, or that we're just "not the type of person" who can do this.
And honestly? Both of those responses make total sense. I get it. I’ve done them both.
The first one, just jumping in, feels hopeful, exciting. It feels like a fresh start.
And hell, now we don't want to bring the baggage of last time into this time. Leave her the F behind.
The second one, the shame spiral, well, that's just our brain doing what brains do.
When we want to make a change, our inner critic can get LOUD. And if you haven’t done the work to acknowledge and work with your inner voice, looking back at past attempts means turning on that inner critic. The one that says, "See? You always do this. You always quit. You always fail. Don’t even bother.”
In both cases, we avoid looking back at all.
But if we don't look back, we miss all the information. And without that information, we're just... guessing.
We're hoping this time will be different without actually MAKING anything different.
And then we wonder why we end up in the same place.
We’re scared to take responsibility for what happened before because we’re scared of what we’ll make that mean about us.
Failure. Loser. Irresponsible. Lazy. Hopeless.
But what if there was a third way?
What if instead of avoiding your past or beating yourself up over it, you got... curious about it?
Not to poke an old wound.
Not to dwell.
Not to shame yourself into change.
But to simply learn from it. Like a scientist reviewing data.
I love this idea of approaching your own history with curiosity instead of judgment.
Because when you're curious, you're asking questions. You're looking for information.
You're not making yourself the villain of the story; you're just trying to understand what happened so you can do something differently.
And here's the thing I really want you to hear:
You can't fail if you keep learning.
You can't fail if you keep trying.
And you are not starting over.
You are starting from experience.
Read that again. You are not starting over. You are starting from experience.
There is a huge difference between those two things.
Starting over implies you have nothing.
Starting from experience means you actually have MORE than you did the first time. You have information. You have insight. You have a better understanding of yourself.
That's not nothing. That's everything.
I used to do the same thing, jumping from workout program to workout program. Diet to diet. Business course to business course.
Hoping that this “new” thing or person was going to change me.
Handing my own personal responsibility away. Outsourcing it.
But that’s not how it works.
Just because you buy the new thing, doesn’t mean you all of a sudden change.
These things don’t work because you buy them; they work because you take full ownership and responsibility.
…and sometimes they don’t “work” the way you want them to, but they do push you forward, and that’s progress.
The problem was never that you failed.
The problem was that you never stopped to ask WHY. And once you do, things change.
So here's what I want you to actually do.
And I'm going to give you a simple framework for this: 4 questions.
That's it.
Four questions that can completely change your relationship with your past and set you up for real success this time.
Question 1: What actually happened?
Not the story you've been telling yourself. Not "I failed" or "I quit" or "I'm terrible at this." The actual facts. What did you do? What did you not do? What were the circumstances? Be specific. Be honest. Be kind.
Question 2: What got in the way?
This is where we start to find gold. Was it your schedule? Your environment? Your support system, or lack thereof? Was the approach too extreme? Were you trying to change too many things at once? Was life just really hard at that time? Get curious here. There's no wrong answer.
Question 3: What did I learn about myself?
This one is powerful. Maybe you learned that you do better with accountability. Maybe you learned that all-or-nothing doesn't work for you. Maybe you learned that stress completely derails your consistency. This is useful information. Write it down.
Question 4: What will I do differently this time?
THIS is the question. This is where "What's different this time?" shifts from a self-defeating accusation to a genuine game plan. Maybe you're starting smaller. Maybe you're building in flexibility. Maybe you're telling a friend. Maybe you're working with a coach. Maybe you're being more realistic about your timeline. If you can answer that fourth question, specifically, then something IS different this time. And that matters.
Okay, let's bring this home. Here's what I want you to walk away with today:
One: Reflection is not about looking back to beat yourself up. It's about getting curious so you can move forward smarter.
Two: You are not starting over. You are starting from experience. That experience is valuable, don't throw it away.
Three: "What's different this time?" is not an accusation. It's an invitation. An invitation to make real, intentional change instead of just hoping for a different result.
Four: If you can answer that question… If you can look back with curiosity, identify what got in the way, and make even one small adjustment, you have already changed the game.
Now, here's your action step for this week:
I want you to grab a journal, a piece of paper, your notes app, whatever works for you, and I want you to answer those four questions. About the last time you tried to reach this goal or start this program. What happened? What got in the way? What did you learn? And what will be different this time?
Don't rush it. Don't judge yourself. Just get curious.
And if you feel yourself getting mean with yourself, because I know some of you will, I want you to pause and ask: "Would I say this to a friend?" Because you deserve the same grace you'd give someone you love.
You've got this. You really do.
…and if with this process, you learn you need to stop trying to do this on your own. I’m here to help.
Azul is a Certified Health and Self-Development Coach on a mission to change the way you approach fitness and nutrition - by first changing the way you approach your relationship to self. She coaches women who want to improve their wellness and relationship to self with science-based holistic practices designed to transform their habits and mindset around food, fitness, and self-care. You can schedule a free 20-minute intro call to learn more by clicking here.
