Is The Fear of Looking Stupid Holding You Back From Trying?
One thing you should know about me is that I don’t like things that I’m bad at.
The other day someone brought a chess board over to my place I had like a visceral reaction to it.
My immediate reaction was, “ugh is that a chess board? I hate chess.”
…but when they asked me why, I realized I didn’t have an answer.
…or at least, an answer I liked.
Because if I was being honest, I would have said, “because I’m not good at it.”
Which, doesn’t feel like a good reason to not like something.
Especially when, and here’s the kicker, I’m not good at chess because I don’t even know how to play it. I’ve never really tried.
That’s right… I said it.
So, it’s not that I hate chess. I hate the feeling of not being good at something.
Think about it, how often do you dismiss things because, “I just don’t like it,” when you really haven’t even given it a fair shot?
How many things do you avoid because the simple IDEA of not being good at it feels uncomfortable?
For me, it wasn’t just chess. I felt the same way about bowling… until I decided to actually learn how to play. Which, took me being hella uncomfortable. I felt super vulnerable and OMG SO awkward. But, I put in the effort and I put myself out there. And guess what? I actually kind of liked it. I wasn’t terrible at it anymore. I mean, I wasn’t great, but I wasn’t terrible.
Which, made me think… is the real issue that we equate being bad at something with failure?
What is it about not being good at something that makes us want to stamp the word FAILURE on our foreheads?
I hosted a group workshop recently and this topic came up in our discussion, and they said something that really resonated.
Growing up, when you go to school, you’re graded on how well you do in a class with letters (or pass or fail).
You fill out a scantron (remember those) and there’s always a right answer. It’s very black or white.
You’re either really good.. or you’re not, and if you’re not, and not being good isn’t great for your future.
Also, who likes raising their hands and answering a question WRONG?! Not me.
So, you just learn to not raise your hand.
And you take that into our adult lives.
How much are we resisting, pushing away, not trying new things, because we’re scared of failing?
Even the THOUGHT of not being good at something is intimidating enough to not try it.
We’re scared of looking stupid.
We put SO MUCH pressure on ourselves to be good at everything we do.
We think we have to be great at absolutely everything.
If we’re not, we’re out, can’t be bothered, don’t want to participate, not interested.
Which is crazy, because we can’t possibly be good at everything, right?
We’re ultimately protecting our egos. Because if we never try, we never fail. It’s a sneaky way to shield our self-esteem.
But if we never do things we’re not good at, that means we never try new things.
We’re limiting our potential.
So, what can we do about it? How do we get over this fear of being bad?
By embracing the awkward phase. By owning the suck.
Reframe “bad” as “beginner.” You’re not bad at it, it’s still new. Big difference.
Detach your self-worth from the skill. Being bad at something has NOTHING to do with your worth as a person.
Focus on curiosity over competence. What if the goal wasn’t to be good, but to just experience something new?
Celebrate effort, not just outcome. Life isn’t pass/fail. It’s about showing up, trying, failing, and learning—over and over again.
If you’re down, try this this week:
Pick one thing you’ve been avoiding because “you don’t like it.”
Give it a genuine shot without the pressure to be good at it.
Reflect on how it felt to try without the expectation of being good at it.
So, let me propose something.
What if, we made it COOL to suck?
I mean, how annoying is it sometimes when you’re at karaoke and someone sings Adele beautifully? (I don’t mean that, I’m really just jealous that you can sing that well, but I need this example so don’t hate me.) BUT how COOL is it, when someone goes up there, doesn’t sing well, but gives their performance their heart and soul anyways?
THAT’S cool because you just KNOW it took courage.
Let’s celebrate THAT.
Azul is a Certified Health and Self-Development Coach on a mission to change the way you approach fitness and nutrition - by first changing the way you approach your relationship to self. She coaches women who want to improve their wellness and relationship to self with science-based holistic practices designed to transform their habits and mindset around food, fitness, and self-care. You can schedule a free 20-minute intro call to learn more by clicking here.
