Self-Sabotage. Your Brain Doesn't Care About Your Happiness.

Your brain doesn’t care about your happiness, it cares about your safety.

Lately, I’ve been fascinated by the science of self-sabotage.

I’m reading “The Mountain is You” by Brianna Wiest for the 2nd time.

We all know her (self-sabotage) well.

You say you want to do one thing, but you keep doing the exact opposite… or nothing at all.

We all hate when we do it.

We get angry, annoyed, frustrated.

BUT did you know that self-sabotage is actually an act of self-protection, not self-destruction?

(lalala, yesss what a shocker, we’re approaching this through a self-compassionate lense)

THIS IS ROOTED IN SCIENCE, so stop crucifying yourself and listen up.

Your brain’s primary focus: SAFETY FIRST

At its core, your brain's main function is survival.

Evolution has shaped it to prioritize safety above all else.

Which, hi, THANK YOU, LOVE YOU.

The prefrontal cortex, which handles complex cognitive behavior and decision-making, develops much slower (hence why most adolescents and young adults struggle more with impulse control and long-term planning). So, when faced with stress, the amygdala often takes over, leading to quick, instinctive reactions aimed at preserving safety.

The amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotional response, is responsible for detecting threats and triggering fear responses. Millions of years ago, this was crucial for our ancestors who faced constant physical dangers. Fast reactions meant the difference between life and death. When this part of the brain senses danger, real or perceived, it activates the "fight or flight" response.

As a result, our brains tend to have a natural negativity bias, which means they’re more attuned to negative experiences and potential threats than positive ones because from an evolutionary perspective, it was more advantageous to be cautious and wary than overly optimistic (sigh).

AZUL TRANSLATE HOW THIS RELATES TO ME SELF-SABOTAGING MYSELF.

So now you know how/why the brain is wired for safety.

Because of this, the brain LOVES routine and familiar patterns. Which means, its preference for the familiar makes adopting new habits and trying something different…challenging.

Even a positive change can trigger the amygdala to signal potential danger, making you feel anxious or uneasy.
 

That + dopamine (a neurotransmitter that plays a significant role in the brain's reward system) motivates us to repeat behaviors that bring pleasure or relief (EVEN IF THEY’RE NOT BRINGING YOU HAPPINESS). When trying to adopt a new habit, the brain basically needs to be retrained to release dopamine in response to the new behavior rather than the old, no longer helpful, one.

Is there ANY hope for me then?!

Yes. Absolutelyyy yes.

In neuroscience, the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life is called neuroplasticity - and it can be done at any age.

How?

There are some of the steps that I take with my clients to help them transform their habits/behaviors:

1. Self-Compassion: Berating yourself never helped nobody. Just taking the time to read this article and understand the science behind WHY you do what you do is going to start to change how you perceive self-sabotage. Being able to be on your own side during this process will help you get down to the real root of the problem.

2. Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness in your day-to-day whether that’s through meditation or another mindfulness practice helps you introduce a pause between trigger and reaction. It’s within that pause, where we eventually get to choose a different course of action. If you’re constantly go go go, reacting reacting reacting, and avoiding avoiding avoiding, the space can’t be made.

3. Discovering Limiting Beliefs: Most of us don’t really know why we do/don’t do what we do/don’t do. We immediately go to blame and shame and negative-identification like “I’m lazy,” or “I’ve always been this way.” What if you got curious…?

4. Start Small: Most people go TOO big TOO fast, and that’s because we want it all and we want it NOW. But, neuroplasticity is cultivated through repetition. If you can’t do something consistently and often, it makes it hard for the brain to relax and interpret safety. Commit to things you KNOW you will do, and build.

5. Positive Reinforcement: Every time you do something new or hard, take the time to celebrate yourself, no matter how small the win. The cheapest (aka free) and easiest way to do this is through positive self-talk (and actually, science shows intrinsic motivation is more powerful than extrinsic). Literally congratulate yourself: kiss on the shoulder, words of affirmation, hug yourself, whatever makes you happy. Complete a 15 min workout? Celebrate. Order a side of veggies? Celebrate that shit babe, you deserve it.

6. Sleep and Stress: Let’s put it this way. If you’re constantly stressed out and tired, new decisions are going very hard to make, especially ones that require effort (exercising or learning how to cook a new vegetable).

Conclusion?

Don’t be so fucking hard on yourself.

You do what you do FOR A REASON, and it’s for self-protection, not self-destruction.

Learn to work with yourself (see steps above) instead of against yourself.